Just Mom

I could give you a handful of reasons why all the things I loved doing went away.  I lost love and respect for myself. I gained weight, I stopped trying, I gave up. Then some how my babies grew up and suddenly I am left in this life raising full on actual humans.  That thought is seriously scary.

I could tell you all the sob stories or the great stories or just basically blame blogger for not supporting an apple platform on my phone and we can leave it at that. But I will say we do have some amazingly cute little men.

I could run you down on "what the AF" is going on in our lives or I can get real and say fitmom turned "just Mom" and all I really do is survive and do whatever I can to raise them differently than I was.  To make them better than me, to become parents different than I had, to never give them complexes (especially about food), to give them the drive their Dad has, and to wish they had someone in their lives special like my Grammy was to me.

I guess my actual hope now is to be honest with the day to day and maybe open up some of the layers for myself. No sugar coating and maybe some how try to learn or teach with the expression of words I once had.  To somehow find where I fit in now.

I have four men living in my home I couldn't me more proud of, but somehow I can't come to find one compliment for myself these days.  Sometimes I think that's okay, because my job is them, but I know that for them I AM more than that.