Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Balance Take Two...

Remember when I told you Fitmama died?  Well I was wrong.  Gassssppp!  Yes I just said that,  I WAS WRONG.  Take a picture because I won't say that often.

It took therapy, panic attacks, hypnosis, some depression, anxiety drugs, and finally a psychiatrist with lots of fancy degrees on the wall to say to me what I told myself a month ago.  BALANCE.  

See here is the deal, when I thought Fitmama should die I put all my effort into my family.  Great right?  Yes and no.  What this fancy doctor told me (which I guess I already knew) is that I cannot be a great wife and Mother unless I have something for me.  What he also told me was that my eyes lit up when I talked about my family and also my fitness journey, my changes, my followers, my girls on challenge, and my new love for fashion.  I told him how I would like to some day be a nutritionist and that coming up with new recipes made me smile.

So while I was over here being lonely, playing pity party, not playing dress up, eating crappy, worrying about crap that won't happen for years to come, hardly showering and pretending I was back to the days I was up to my eyes in diapers hoping the old me would come back magically... it was the wrong thing to do.

See I changed, but what I know now is that it's ok.  I changed because I needed to.  I needed to find the part of me I was missing.  Fitmama may have more confidence, may care about her looks more, but guess what?  She is still a good Mama and wife too when the BALANCE is there.  Killing her killed a part of me I worked hard for.

So with all that being said I plan to jump back in a little more.  I can't go back to the 200 pound Mom she doesn't exist any more.  But I would like to think that I am a remodeled, upgraded version of her.  Everyone grows and changes, I just need to make sure it doesn't change the real me or my family.

Will I get my instagram back?  No, but you will be able to peek in on me on Facebook Why?  Because this IS important to me and eating this crap food and not sharing my meals with you all is really starting to show and I don't want to go back to how I used to feel about myself.  I love the gym and I haven't gone in 5 days because of this funk.  Feeling sorry for myself and sitting at home with just my kids is doing nothing for my happiness or theirs.  They need me to be happy so that I can be a better Mom for them.

So with all that being said, lets play catch up because you know ya missed all my crazy pics and boy oh boy have I missed posting them.  Some will never get what I mean by any of this and that's ok you don't have to get it.  Some don't like to share their life and journey, but guess what? I do.  I am proud of my family, my life and journey and if I can help just one person and myself then I feel I have a purpose.

Playing dress up with this guy.  Want to know the coolest thing ever?  This guy loves me.  Like really honest to goodness loves me.  Through my ups and downs, mistakes and triumphs.  I know whole heartedly that he wants to be right here holding me no matter what, on good days, on bad days, on crying days, on poor me days, and that is love and I am so blessed and thankful for that.

Lets be honest.  I like Summer and already miss it.  But this rain jacket cuteness helps a little.
Yes that would be my weight.  Whomp whomp.  Told ya it went up.  But here I am back on track (I hope.)
Our Daddy went away on a hunting trip, I guess I am a sissy because we really missed him and missed that we couldn't talk or text him.  

Only the cutest craft ever.  Love ya Spawn 2.

Shouldn't I have learned by now what creates this bubble madness?  See I wasn't lying.  I haven't put on makeup in 2 weeks.  This changes tomorrow!

Our first jog a thon, field trip, and school bus ride.

Worst day.  Cavities for a 5 year old is NOT the business.

So guess what?  My Husband surprised me with a trip to Cabo.  He did all the research, helped to find sitters.  I am still in disbelief it is actually going to happen and don't get me started on the anxiety of the flight or leaving the kids and dogs, BUT I KNOW WE need it.  Him and I.  We need the connection, the smiles, the break from the kids.  We need to take some time for us and our marriage.

Our Cabo theme song.

Miss Maggie is growing like a weed.

I have missed you all.  Thanks for all the emails and support.  I am glad to be back in the swing of things somewhat.  Come find me on Facebook.  

1 comment:

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I am a wife and Mama to three boys. I had THREE babies in 23 months and went on a mission to reclaim my health and body. By eating better and exercising I have lost 70 pounds. This is my food, and my journey mixed in with our crazy life. A better me for them!

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