Thursday, October 9, 2014

A Better Me for Them, a Balance


I have been thinking for weeks about how this post would go.  What I would say, what I wouldn't say, if I should or if I shouldn't.

I started this blog to document my journey.  My food, my weight loss, my exercise and how I did it.  Over time it morphed more into my real life.  So I found it only fair that I share a little of what has been going on.

Clearly I will spare the details of my personal life and the very rough few weeks I have had, but I want to let you know that fitmama has died, or maybe is taking a long nap or eh maybe dead. RIP be-otch.

I started this journey to lose weight, but along the way I did more and parts of me changed.  Some of these things good, but others bad.  This journey started to be "a better me for them!"  I wanted to play on the floor with them, and run with them, help my Husband on his weight loss journey, and live a long healthy life with them.  I didn't start this to be a "motivation".  But what I also found was that I became that and it gave me confidence.  Good right?  Not really.

I don't need confidence to be a good Mom.  I don't need followers or to be a motivation to be a good Mom or wife.  What I found was that my instagram was getting attention when my family should have been.  What I found was I was responding to readers when I should have be doing more crafts with my children.  What I found was I was looking at my phone and liking my friends posts while I was at dinner with my Husband.

This journey was the one and only thing I took alone.  This journey was something I stuck to day in and day out with no one to be accountable to then myself.  It was MINE.  One thing for me.  My loss, my new body, my followers, my blog, my success, MINE all mine.  At first it is what I thought I needed, but in another sense it was selfish because it took from them and frankly Moms don't get to be selfish.

Don't get me wrong I tear up when I get emails from followers complimenting me on my journey or telling me they started because of me.  Calling me inspiring, or motivational.  It makes me smile, but guess what?  What I wanted more was to have a family and a happy one.  A Husband who is proud of me and kids who look up to me and this journey well they didn't care about that.  They looked up to me for doing crafts with them or asking about their day at work or coming out to support their band or helping in their classroom.  They didn't care that I gained 1,000 followers yesterday or got a new sponsor or lost 90 pounds.

So what I found was that my success was also a failure and that those I love the most found my journey selfish.  I wasn't being a better me for them.  I was doing it for me.  This could go both ways right? Some of you may be thinking what is wrong with that?  And you are right, but what I now will learn is BALANCE.

My next step in this journey is balancing a little of me with a lot of them.  THEY are my priority.  Will this blog die?  NOPE.  Will I run out and eat a Whopper with cheese?  Hummmm… I wish but NO!  Will I still hope I can some day do a 5k?  Yup.  Will I still go to the gym 3-4 days a week and try to eat right?  YES.  Because this was what I wanted, to be healthy.  But my attention to the blog will be given early in the morning before they wake.  Will emails get answered?  Yup but only during a certain time slot.  Will I still coach girls on their journey?  HELL YUP, but they may have to wait a couple hours for me to respond to their text.  Because what I have learned is that I do need something for me, but they need me more.  I never want to look back and say "I wish I tried harder."

Balance; an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady.



1 comment:

  1. I am so bad at regularly reading blogs ((hello, balance)) but I was just thinking that it has been a while since I had seen you on Instagram. Hope all is well! Enjoy your family!

    ReplyDelete

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I am a wife and Mama to three boys. I had THREE babies in 23 months and went on a mission to reclaim my health and body. By eating better and exercising I have lost 70 pounds. This is my food, and my journey mixed in with our crazy life. A better me for them!


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