Happy

I remember when I first started blogging all I wanted was to be a Mom. I figured when I had babies everything would be happy, perfect, and all smiles. I would not want or need for much more then to be a Wife and a Mom and we would all live happily ever after. Fast forward three babies later and YES it is totally what I wanted and being a Mother and wife is amazing and exactly what I wanted. BUT I still found myself looking for some more happy. Looking to wake up each day with this gigantic smile on my face ready to leap out of bed and into life knowing I had done and had exactly what I wanted and couldn't ask for anything more. 

Fast forward to some of what lead me to this journey. The journey where I figured oh I just want to lose 30 pounds by my 30th Birthday and then everything will be so perfect. 

Fast forward to the ok, how about 50 pounds and everything will be so so so perfect! 

Fast forward to the lets reach a "normal BMI" and then just then each day will be butterflies and flowers and chirpping birds. 

But here is the thing... maybe I don't know exactly what happy is. Maybe happy isn't always looking for more or making my body better? I mean I get that having goals is a good thing, but what's wrong with just enjoying now and being happy with now? 

What really is happy? And maybe ones definition is completely different then anothers. What if it was all my happy during all those moments? 

Things will always be crazy, emotional, chaotic, and hectic. I will never be fully happy with my body. I may never leap out of bed so ecstatic for life. Maybe all along what I was missing was right in front of me. Maybe happy IS my imperfect body. Maybe happy IS the melted popsicle on the table. Maybe happy is the low balance checking account alert. Maybe happy IS laughing littles on the trampoline while we BBQ in the backyard listening to country music. Maybe happy IS the floor that needs swept. Maybe happy IS cheering kids as my tired, hard working Husband enters the front door. Maybe happy IS a bootie grab in the kitchen, a good night kiss and a thank you for caring for the kidstoday. Maybe happy IS bathtime and clean babies. Maybe happy IS all this normal, everyday stuff right here that I love so so so so very much. 

Today right now I am choosing to make my own happy and it will probably include loving my body a little more just as it is, a couple more splurge meals, over due library books, family gatherings, a rushed visit to the gym interrupted by a poop diaper, twins crying over what PJs they can't find, a scramble to log, cook and take a picture of my healthy dinner and the occassional quiet time with my Husband after the storm of the day has settled. 

 Because I am choosing to make my own happy! #abettermeforthem 

 "The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things." - Henry Ward Beecher