Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Where the Journey Really began...

I am sure I have mentioned it here before but my twins are IVF babies.  After a few years of trying naturally it was clear something wasn't right.  I was HUGE!  225 was my highest.  I was desperate for a baby and when it didn't happen I ate more and more and turned to food for comfort.  It was something out of my control and it killed me.

So over time I decided that losing weight was the next effort to try and help this journey along. And guess what? It was something I COULD control!  I couldn't force myself pregnant, but I sure as shit could stop what went in my mouth.  And if it meant a baby I would go through hell and back to make it happen.  So I joined Weight Watchers, this would have been January 2007.  It took a year almost exactly and I had lost 75 pounds.

It was around this time that a fellow infertile from from a message board told me about a trial IVF study testing out a new drug.  This study would allow for free fertility meds and an IVF cycle. My prayers were answered!  One of the qualifications for the study was to be at a healthy weight.  I quickly dropped a few more pounds and walked into my initial appointment in January of 2008 weighing 152 and feeling fabulous.  I knew that I lost this weight for a reason, I knew this was the adventure that would make me a Mom.

What I didn't know was that the next year would be the hardest of my life!  I wasn't naive, but I believe in signs and reasons.  And to me this just felt too perfect.  I could go on and about signs and rituals, but you will all think I am crazy so I will skip it.  The shots were a piece of cake!  I smiled each and every time because I knew within a month I would have a baby in my belly.  I was so certain this was going to work.  (I will spare the details, you can visit my other blog Miracles Come in Pairs for more info.)

Given how certain I was we had the nurse call my Husband with the results so that I could hear the results at home and not at work.  That drive home was the most exciting and longest drive ever.  I still remember the details, but as I turned onto my street my stomach sank.  I suddenly had a bad feeling.  Turning the door handle to get in the house seemed to take an eternity.  I found my Husband shaking his head and crying.  It was in that moment that I knew this was clearly both of our journeys and there was nothing that could stop us from continuing on. That moment will remain embedded in my head forever.

We chugged on and even had a natural miscarriage, a frozen cycle, another cycle again, until lucky number three!  The most perfect cycle in all the land which would make the most perfect miracle babies in all the land.  At 10 weeks I was released to my OB weighing 170.  Not horrible but not great.  I was enjoying eating and being happy.  At 20 weeks I had emergency surgery and was put on bedrest for the rest of my pregnancy.  Thankfully other then a lot of weight gain the babies were born September 2009 mostly healthy.  I think I got up to about 230 the day of delivery.

Things got busy and my weight wasn't a huge issue and I was breastfeeding/pumping so it was coming off and I was so focused on them I didn't care about my weight. I stopped breastfeeding and some of it came back.  Fast forward December 2010... SURPRISE!  You can get pregnant!  Baby number three arrived August 2010.

Needless to say I was no longer 152 I was almost at 200 lbs.  January 4, 2012 my Husband went to a meeting to discuss him having gastic bypass surgery for himself.  I knew this day would be life changing for us both because I knew I had to be his support and I had to get my weight back under control too for my three little boys.  He walked in the meeting, saw the people and walked out.  I by no means think that is the easy or simple route and for some it is just the thing they need.  But he and we had a different plan!

We would do it on our own with the my fitness pal app!  He joined a gym and I began the walk that would never end.  My first goal was to lose 30 pounds by my 30th birthday.  I walked and walked and walked pushing a triple stroller day in and day out.

The rest is pretty much history.  With each goal I hit I made a new one.  That day will be the day my life changed.  I have had some bumps since then but for the most part that is the day I decided to put my health first.  Nothing will change until you fully commit to becoming healthy.  You can't go in just half way and YOU have to be ready for the change.  The best change you will ever make.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, look at YOU!!!! You look absolutely amazing!!! And you just seem so much happier!!!! Good for you...congratulations!!!!


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I am a wife and Mama to three boys. I had THREE babies in 23 months and went on a mission to reclaim my health and body. By eating better and exercising I have lost 70 pounds. This is my food, and my journey mixed in with our crazy life. A better me for them!

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